EXTRA MARITAL AFFAIRS

It’s being natural to have something different than people used to have. But, it’s harmful if the above statement relates to needs of having affairs with TOW (The Other Woman) or TOM (The Other Man). Because to involve in extra marital affairs, you need to lie, become dishonest, secret, and you will start to create ‘reason behind’ to tolerate your infidelity action.

It’s true that marriage relationship is very fluctuative, up and down . Especially for couples who have passed over 10 years marriage life, started to become ‘plain’. But, if something goes wrong, you can ask yourself, whether something miss in your marriage. Many reasons behind infidelity that become the trigger, from marital conflict : lack of communication, low self-esteem, mid-life crisis, high expectation to change spouse’s characters and behaviours, just to mention a few.

Even your marriage life is not smooth and happy, and have lots of conflicts, does not mean that you are allowed to have affairs, as the most important here is your self control. There is no chance to fall in love with other person. There is no room inside your heart, for other woman or man ….

All extra marital affairs always started with a coincidence , as you just want to be his or her friend, work with him or her in the office, met him or her through internet, etc. This becomes pre alert to you to put the fence, and not involve your feeling here.

If, for some reasons, you involve your feeling here, you have to take distance with your feeling, as it can be bias and blur. You’ll never know whether you really love her or him, or it’s just being the escape from your marital conflict. So, you need to solve the root causes of marital conflict by providing permanent solution, and not solve it by creating another, more complex problem that involve other woman or man !!! You have to win your logical thinking rather than your emotion and feeling !!!

There is no win- win solution. All parties always loses. Is it worth with the price you have to pay to get the fake passion and obsession ?
If your answer is NO, then you have to recover your marriage. The more and longer you involve in this circumstances, the more difficult to release it.

During recovery period, you need to mend your partner’s painful heart by showing your fidelity, commitment and honesty, even thing can never be the same again. Your partner has to forget and forgive your betrayal story….

DON’T IGNITE A FIRE

BNI, Aug 28,’05. 08.15 am